Tuesday, November 18, 2008
BRB Kids want....
Every so often I get ideas pop into my head, of what I want to Blog about, or something pisses me off and I think I can get it off my chest by blogging. I've lost count of the amount of times I have started a blog and then was pulled away from the computer, by one of my darling children. They seem to have these needs that take up a lot of time. (BRB gotta take Madi to the loo) So, after changing a shitty nappy, or picking up the entire contents of a plate of dinner off the floor, or having an argument and being told I'm the worst Mum in the world, I kind of lose my enthusiasm and hence, no blog!
So, okay this time I am writing it in Notepad cos I just happened to click on it, and saving as I go. With any luck, I may actually be (BRB have to get Max some biscuits) able to finish this and post it!
I had a rather interesting day today. (BRB twins need drink) I had a doctors appointment with my GP to get 2 referrals. The first one was for my Rheumatologist, who I saw last Monday. I hadn't realised that the referral had expired, again and so I will get charged the full cost of $90 for my visit and no refund from Medicare. (BRB have to go sort out a fight for more biscuits)
The second referral was to a foot and ankle specialist, my Rheumatologist had suggested. I have been having constant pain in my left ankle for (BRB have to go heat up dinner) about 18 months. I have had 3 ultrasound guided, steroid injections into my ankle, which I thought were very interesting to watch! Yes, I am weird!! So anyway, the first 2 helped a bit and the third, did nothing. So now my Rheumatologist and GP have decided its time to go see a specialist, to find out if they can help me. (BRB kids fighting)
Okay, so referrals written. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?" my GP asked me. Well, since you ask....LOL. I told her that recently I have had weird heart palpitations. She then asks me to describe what they are like. I am the worst person for describing my various pain etc because I am in pain of one form or another, pretty much all the time. The other thing is, I don't know which pain is related to what, half the time, or if different pain or twinges should even be mentioned. Aahh anyway, so I tried (BRB twins need drink) to tell my GP my symptoms as best I could. She then suggested I get a 24hr heart monitor put on to see what the problem is. After a phone call and another referral, I was out the door and on my way to a Heart Clinic to be wired up!
The procedure is very simple. (BRB need to clean dinner off of the floor) They stick these pads on your chest, attach some wires which are connected to a unit the size of an old style mobile CD player, which you get to wear around your neck or on your belt. So there I am, all wired up! I was given instructions, told not to bathe or shower and given a diary to fill out with any activity I do during that time. (BRB kids fighting) I was told to return with the unit, tomorrow morning, where they will remove it, download the information and give it to the cardiologist, who I am seeing on Friday!
So, I am looking at this diary...time of activity, type of activity and symptom experienced during activity, if any. Okay, sounds simple enough. (BRB Kids banging on window) Then I see that by activity, they mean EVERYTHING you do! Exercise, rest, eating, driving etc etc. You also need to include when you go to sleep and when you get up. A full diary of 24 hours of my life! Why didn't they just admit me to hospital for it? At least then I might have had a rest (BRB Kids trying to escape through sliding door) and could have written this Blog in a lot shorter time then it actually took, with far more interesting content!! :P
Thursday, October 30, 2008
High School Days
I often think to myself, where does the time go. I wish I could say, I still remember when I went to school. Unfortunately, my memory is quite bad and very sketchy where my younger years are concerned.
I do recall some things, like being really smart and getting awesome grades in the first years of high school. I know I always wanted to become a surgeon and I was smart enough to do it.
However, things changed after a few years. Problems at home and other issues, led me to explore 'the dark side'. Drinking, partying and 'wagging' seemed to be more of an interest then being at school. Gradually, my grades dropped from A's for all my subjects, to scraping in with C's. I found I could keep up the minimum work required to pass, with very little effort. In the later years, I was going out to pubs and clubs and at times, would come across some of my teachers, who I drank with. They seemed to let me get away with a lot in class. To the point of checking off my name in the mornings, when I would 'drop by' before going to the shops, or where ever else I felt like.
In the beginning, I was looked upon as one of the people who would most succeed, because of my dedication and grades. It quite often makes me sad, to think of those times. I look at my life now, and wonder what if?? Would I have become the surgeon I really wanted to be? I will never know. I don't regret having my children, or doing a lot of the things I have done, but the thought is always in the back of my mind.
Ten years ago, my high school had a reunion. I couldn't go because my sister was getting married on that day. I heard bits and pieces about it later, but didn't really give it much thought.
Recently, I was told there was another reunion being organised. Another ten years has passed and they are trying to do it all again, but much bigger this time. It was posted on Face Book and it seems there will be many more people than last time.
At first, I was excited about the thought of going. Why not? It could be fun. See some of the old faces...the kids in my classes, the teachers. I thought it would be a good laugh. I told family and friends that attended the school about it, and we all bought tickets to go!
As the time has drawn closer to the reunion, I have started having second thoughts about going. Being there would mean having to face people from my past. A lot of my past was painful and not something I want to remember.
Something else I dread, is when people ask you, what you are doing and where you work. "I am a single mother, with 4 kids and I don't work" Aaaaaahhh I really don't want to go down that road and explain my situation to every person who ask's me. Suddenly, this doesn't sound like fun to me at all. I know that the people close to me will tell me not to worry about it and it's not anyone's business and anyway, who cares what they think, right? Well I wish I could take that advice and just not worry, but I cant.
There's also another issue for me....my weight!! Yes, I can hear you now, "you look great", "who cares", "as long as you are happy". I care!! I don't like the person I am on the outside. It has been extremely difficult for me to lose weight, since having the twins and becoming ill. I have very little energy, so I cant do a lot. I go to the gym whenever I am able and I try to eat healthy. Still, this seems to have no effect on my weight loss. On the positive side, I have toned up a bit, but there are some things even excersise won't fix. I can't afford cosmetic surgery (don't laugh, I am obsessed and I will have it one day), but I know having it would help me immensely. I feel like these illnesses have stopped me, from being me and there's nothing I can do about it right now. So, one more reason why I am talking myself out of going to the reunion. I keep thinking that everyone will be looking good, be successful in what they do, be married and then there's me.....an overweight single mum!
So, as the day approaches, (this Sunday) I am torn between going and not. I don't think I will decide until that day. I just hope the decision I choose, is one I will not regret later.
I do recall some things, like being really smart and getting awesome grades in the first years of high school. I know I always wanted to become a surgeon and I was smart enough to do it.
However, things changed after a few years. Problems at home and other issues, led me to explore 'the dark side'. Drinking, partying and 'wagging' seemed to be more of an interest then being at school. Gradually, my grades dropped from A's for all my subjects, to scraping in with C's. I found I could keep up the minimum work required to pass, with very little effort. In the later years, I was going out to pubs and clubs and at times, would come across some of my teachers, who I drank with. They seemed to let me get away with a lot in class. To the point of checking off my name in the mornings, when I would 'drop by' before going to the shops, or where ever else I felt like.
In the beginning, I was looked upon as one of the people who would most succeed, because of my dedication and grades. It quite often makes me sad, to think of those times. I look at my life now, and wonder what if?? Would I have become the surgeon I really wanted to be? I will never know. I don't regret having my children, or doing a lot of the things I have done, but the thought is always in the back of my mind.
Ten years ago, my high school had a reunion. I couldn't go because my sister was getting married on that day. I heard bits and pieces about it later, but didn't really give it much thought.
Recently, I was told there was another reunion being organised. Another ten years has passed and they are trying to do it all again, but much bigger this time. It was posted on Face Book and it seems there will be many more people than last time.
At first, I was excited about the thought of going. Why not? It could be fun. See some of the old faces...the kids in my classes, the teachers. I thought it would be a good laugh. I told family and friends that attended the school about it, and we all bought tickets to go!
As the time has drawn closer to the reunion, I have started having second thoughts about going. Being there would mean having to face people from my past. A lot of my past was painful and not something I want to remember.
Something else I dread, is when people ask you, what you are doing and where you work. "I am a single mother, with 4 kids and I don't work" Aaaaaahhh I really don't want to go down that road and explain my situation to every person who ask's me. Suddenly, this doesn't sound like fun to me at all. I know that the people close to me will tell me not to worry about it and it's not anyone's business and anyway, who cares what they think, right? Well I wish I could take that advice and just not worry, but I cant.
There's also another issue for me....my weight!! Yes, I can hear you now, "you look great", "who cares", "as long as you are happy". I care!! I don't like the person I am on the outside. It has been extremely difficult for me to lose weight, since having the twins and becoming ill. I have very little energy, so I cant do a lot. I go to the gym whenever I am able and I try to eat healthy. Still, this seems to have no effect on my weight loss. On the positive side, I have toned up a bit, but there are some things even excersise won't fix. I can't afford cosmetic surgery (don't laugh, I am obsessed and I will have it one day), but I know having it would help me immensely. I feel like these illnesses have stopped me, from being me and there's nothing I can do about it right now. So, one more reason why I am talking myself out of going to the reunion. I keep thinking that everyone will be looking good, be successful in what they do, be married and then there's me.....an overweight single mum!
So, as the day approaches, (this Sunday) I am torn between going and not. I don't think I will decide until that day. I just hope the decision I choose, is one I will not regret later.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
To Work or Not to Work!
I guess its been a long time coming, but finally I have a blog! I'm hoping this will help me stop talking to myself, or at least lessen it a bit. But beware, my thoughts come through thick and fast at times. So fast, my brain can't process them and I will just end up blurting things out all over the place, so they may not make much sense. Probably about as much sense as that intro just did LOL.
For those who don't know who I am, or much about me, here are the basics. I am a 40 year old, mother of 4 kids. My kids are 20, 19 and 2 and 1/2 yr old twins (boy and girl). I am single, I suffer from various ailments and I do not have a job.
I'm not working at the moment, not because I don't want to, but because I think the man upstairs is against me on that one! Here is why: To work full time, I would have to pay $300 for each kid in care, each week. Okay, that's $600 per week! Then there is the fact that my rent would increase to current market value....$300 per week. Now that's $900 per week...you following so far? Ok, next factor is that I have an autistic daughter, 19, who would need care in the mornings and afternoons. More money! I would also lose my benefits and therefore pay full price for all my medications, tests, doctors and specialist visits. So, without even blinking an eye, I am up well over $1000 per week! Hmmm, what kind of job could I do that paid more than that??
If those reasons aren't enough to explain why I don't work, here are some more.... I suffer from, Clinical Depression, Sjogrens Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Adenomyosis, Temporomandibular Joint Disorder and other various, colourfully named ailments!! There may be some people who have all these afflictions, or even a few and do work.....I applaud you!! There are varying degrees of pain and suffering, so not everyone can lead a normal life.
There are some who have joked that they would love to switch places with me because my life sounds so great....I can go shopping everyday, I can sit and watch Foxtel. I can go out for lunch. I can have a nap during the day. Why wouldn't you want my life? Sounds great doesn't it?
It's difficult when you have to give explanations, to people who ask you, why you don't have a job. Personally, I feel it's none of their business. However, this has not stopped people raising the question.
Recently, (and this is not the first time) I was put into a category where I was a 'single mother on the pension'. Tempers flared and questions were asked as to why 'they' have to pay taxes for people like 'me', who are on benefits. This really shits me! If you ever want to get me fired up, start on this topic and get ready for a fight!
I would gladly swap places with some of 'those' people. They can have my life of constant pain and interrupted sleep, taking pain and preventative medications, fighting extreme fatigue, headaches and nausea, diahorrea and constipation, stomach cramps, dry mouth and eyes, pain in my joints and muscles, lack of balance and co-ordination, memory loss and the list goes on. Oh and that's all in a day! And if that's not enough, throw in a 19year old Autistic child who has hissy fits and behavioural problems and 2 and a half yr old twins!....Would you still want to swap your life with mine? Go on, live in my shoes for a day!! I guarantee you would change your mind before the end of it :P
For those who don't know who I am, or much about me, here are the basics. I am a 40 year old, mother of 4 kids. My kids are 20, 19 and 2 and 1/2 yr old twins (boy and girl). I am single, I suffer from various ailments and I do not have a job.
I'm not working at the moment, not because I don't want to, but because I think the man upstairs is against me on that one! Here is why: To work full time, I would have to pay $300 for each kid in care, each week. Okay, that's $600 per week! Then there is the fact that my rent would increase to current market value....$300 per week. Now that's $900 per week...you following so far? Ok, next factor is that I have an autistic daughter, 19, who would need care in the mornings and afternoons. More money! I would also lose my benefits and therefore pay full price for all my medications, tests, doctors and specialist visits. So, without even blinking an eye, I am up well over $1000 per week! Hmmm, what kind of job could I do that paid more than that??
If those reasons aren't enough to explain why I don't work, here are some more.... I suffer from, Clinical Depression, Sjogrens Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Adenomyosis, Temporomandibular Joint Disorder and other various, colourfully named ailments!! There may be some people who have all these afflictions, or even a few and do work.....I applaud you!! There are varying degrees of pain and suffering, so not everyone can lead a normal life.
There are some who have joked that they would love to switch places with me because my life sounds so great....I can go shopping everyday, I can sit and watch Foxtel. I can go out for lunch. I can have a nap during the day. Why wouldn't you want my life? Sounds great doesn't it?
It's difficult when you have to give explanations, to people who ask you, why you don't have a job. Personally, I feel it's none of their business. However, this has not stopped people raising the question.
Recently, (and this is not the first time) I was put into a category where I was a 'single mother on the pension'. Tempers flared and questions were asked as to why 'they' have to pay taxes for people like 'me', who are on benefits. This really shits me! If you ever want to get me fired up, start on this topic and get ready for a fight!
I would gladly swap places with some of 'those' people. They can have my life of constant pain and interrupted sleep, taking pain and preventative medications, fighting extreme fatigue, headaches and nausea, diahorrea and constipation, stomach cramps, dry mouth and eyes, pain in my joints and muscles, lack of balance and co-ordination, memory loss and the list goes on. Oh and that's all in a day! And if that's not enough, throw in a 19year old Autistic child who has hissy fits and behavioural problems and 2 and a half yr old twins!....Would you still want to swap your life with mine? Go on, live in my shoes for a day!! I guarantee you would change your mind before the end of it :P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
